Labor

I love reading my friends' labor stories, so I'll post mine because I know they have an equal love of labor stories. Sorry boys, it is just a girl thing.

Tuesday morning Brian asked me if there was any "action" before he left for work - he was anticipating a very busy day with the type of meetings where if he entered he would have to be there the entire time. So I said no and he went to work. Ten or so minutes later I started having tiny cramps or mini contractions.

I just had a feeling things were going to happen. So I made sure to take a nice shower, shave my legs, wear a cute outfit, and put on makeup. (all things I hadn't done for days because when you are ginormously pregnant you don't want to move) Then I decided to get stuff done.
Around 9 am I started having slightly stronger contractions. Nothing big. I figured if you could walk through it, it isn't that big, and doesn't count as real labor. So we went shopping for a few of my last minute wants before the baby came.

Brian called around lunch time and I told him there was a little action but not a ton. He came home 20 min later. I don't think he was looking forward to his afternoon meetings. ;)

That afternoon we were all business. Putting up curtains, mounting the foam mickey heads on the baby's room wall, packing a few last minute things, cleaning and general prep for the chaos soon to ensue.

Brian kept giving me looks like, shouldn't you be resting? No. The answer is no. Laying there waiting for the next contraction to come and timing it is the most boring, slow afternoon I can think of. My `afternoon contractions where the kind you have to pause, but when they are over you can keep going no problem. They were only 30 sec long and between 4 and 8 minutes apart. The doctor told us don't go till you are 1 min long, 5 min apart for 1 hour. I never really followed this pattern.

Around 5pm I decided to lay down for a while, and Brian decided to make some dinner. As soon as I stopped moving and laid down my contractions got real. Within 20 min they were starting to get big, longer, and closer together. But I really wanted to eat before we went to the hospital and I really really wanted Brian to eat since they don't provide the hubby any food.
This meant waiting another 20 min or so.
With a few pot stickers in my tummy we left for the hospital.

Of course we went the long way. Of course we hit every light possible.

We were admitted to a very busy triage and waited. Meanwhile I'm was now having very very long, very painful contractions. Well past where I had an epidural last time. I know that they were very busy that night, I know they had lots of preggo girls to take care of, but I swore we waited there forever before anyone even came in to start the process. We had to keep waiting between every little step. I was pretty worried that I would miss the time frame to get an epidural. Finally someone said well lets check you! Oh you are a 6-7!  ... liar I was a 7. Suddenly things picked up.

Guess what, those curtains they use as walls aren't sound proof. So next I could hear the nurses calling my doctor and telling each other I had a small shot of getting the anesthesiologist between his two c-sections. THEY HADN'T CALLED MY DOCTOR! NO EPIDURAL???!!

I was "gently" wheeled into the labor room. The nurse started pushing my iv fluids and madly preparing the room. LUCKILY the anesthesiologist walked in and graciously gave me an epidural between his two surgeries. He was so nice! He sat in the room for a while to monitor me and continued to tell us stories of crazy, inconsolable women who would not sit still for their epidurals.

I could still feel some pressure in my right hip. And over the next three contractions it got more painful instead of duller. The anesthesiologist smiled and said, well then that probably won't go away and I could be fully dilated, and left. Hmm.

The nurse said well let's just check you.

Here eyes got very big and she stuttered, well you're fully dilated!! Let me go get your doctor. DON'T DO ANYTHING!
Hmm.

Another minute later she began wheeling in other equipment and busily preparing. The doctor staggered in- you could tell they just woke him up even though it was only 10 pm. As soon as they were ready, 3 or so contractions later, we began pushing! Two contractions and he was out! Woohoo!!

Not a bad experience, but if there is a next time I don't think I'll cut it so close. Although I'm not sure when would have been a good time to go in. Oh well.

Luke is currently a sweet chill boy. After we were out of the hospital we figured out breastfeeding pretty well, so he is a good eater and a good sleeper. Slowly, I re-realize that he won't always be this way. In fact, next week he could turn into a monster and my mostly calm world will go away. So I'm trying my hardest to be equally chill and not stress and worry about every little thing.

Bradley LOVES his new little bro. Mostly because now he is a big brother, and I think he likes that title. Mommy isn't always his fave person- which is hard and sad when it happens. But we are working on the mommy bradley time so he doesn't feel so left out or ignored. He still has his toddler moments, but really, I think he is adjusting well. Thank goodness we'll have grandparents to help us out for the first three weeks. That fourth week is going to be a challenge, but I have my two little boys, and I couldn't be happier.

Luke

First Night Home

We welcomed Luke George Saponas to the world a few nights ago on July 24. He is so sweet. I'm still awed at the moment I went from one child to two. ...two is way better than one. Not easier, but so joyful I can't imagine life any other way.

I'll update more on our birth story later. But I wanted to post a few pics- especially for those photo hungry aunts out there ;)

One Hour of Affirmation

In my chaotic world I choose not to dwell on things that I can't control. One of those things I choose not to think about is what it will be like to have a newborn again. Can I do it? With two?

For those that knew me after I had Bradley, you probably know that I didn't have the easiest time with him in an infant state. Between healing "the hard way" from labor (ask if you want and I'll tell), a fussy but technically not colicy baby, and postpartum depression; I had a really rough go for a few months. Thank goodness I had Kyli's couch to sit on when I was so lonely. For those reasons, I really really choose not to think about the impending future of post birth.

Beyond the physical ailments, I also choose not to think about how I will be able to care for him. (For all my denial, I do think a lot about how the new baby will impact Bradley-I have lots of plans for this.) I am not a baby person. I do not have "baby instincts" or "baby skills." I've always awed at mothers who will claim to know things like, "oh he's just gassy, he just needs to be burped," "oh he's just hungry," "oh he is over stimulated and cranky," "he has a gassy belly" "he is teething" "he just needs a little rocking." What? I promise you the only reason my life had any semblance of order was because I did things on a schedule and had a mental of list of things to go through when Bradley was crying for an hour or so.. I guess I would rather just take what comes, when it comes with this new baby rather than worry about how potentially hard it will be - especially with two.

Today I had to pull out the mommy skills though. I was late into Relief Society and took the end seat on the back row only to find out that the next two seats were occupied by the woman who has two, young, foster kids in her care and a friend. Each woman had a child on her lap, then one began to fuss and the other began to run. So the mom set both kids with the friend lady across the way and ran to get a bottle and a toy. Naturally this poor lady could not handle both a toddler and crying infant at the same time, so I took the infant. Suddenly there was a bottle in my hand and the ladies were gone. hmm.

The only true mom skill I developed with Bradley was the bounce/rock. It was the only action that soothed Bradley for a nap. So after the bottle was gone I popped that binki in and started to bounce. The little boy instantly calmed. What? Did I do that?

Then the mom sat down beside me and whispered that this poor boy was abandoned and she only had him for a few days before he was moving on. Suddenly I couldn't let him go, I held him tight hoping he would know that for at least an hour he was loved. Instantly he was asleep and stayed that way the rest of time while I cradled and rocked him in my seat and cried in my mind for him.

By the end of the hour I knew that I could do it again. I knew that no matter what this new baby threw at me, even if I didn't know every second what my baby was feeling and how to fix it, I would always love him. And love him more than any other person in the world. No matter what hard things I must overcome in those early months, I would never give up. Ya never know, I may be lucky enough to have a more chill second child and all my angst is for naught.

Don't worry, this little boy will have a happy ending. An infertile couple is adopting him, and has even already adopted his older sister. He will have more than the one hour of snuggles we had, he will have a loving family to grow up in.

As for me it was a very revealing hour.